DEAR AUNTIES

 5/3/22

Saying goodbye to aging parents is difficult, and it seems like I’ve had to do this so many times already. My flight departs from Bangalore in exactly 12 hours—4:40 AM on Thursday.

Thankfully, mum is well and strong. She has a routine and believes in it—and this brings more comfort than you can imagine, because I know she will keep doing it for as long as she can. I can make a list of the things that she doesn’t do as well anymore, but that list is minuscule compared to the things that she continues to do well.

We are actively looking for the right person to be around her. The search can be disheartening but I hope this means the right person will come along at the right time.

Getting to know mum through her stories I’ve collected the last few years, has been a wonderful blessing for me. Understanding her through her history has forever softened my heart towards her, and I have forgiven her for the times I felt she was inadequate as a parent. 

She is not perfect. She has many complaints about some things, relishes her identity as a self-sacrificing person, and stubbornly insists her ways are the best. These imperfections are nothing and only serve to reinforce the fact that she is human and vulnerable, and like each of us is worthy of love and dignity. Looked at from this perspective, mum is nothing less than an amazing and precious 93 year old, who loves and gives generously in ways that are her own.

I hurt at the pain of separation that she will feel more acutely than I will . . . but she is in a safe comfortable place, and cared for thoughtfully by Gordon.

Your letters to her in the days immediately following my departure will bring her much joy … and help pass the hours as she transitions to her normal routine.